The Country Wife Act III

ACT 3
Scene I
Alithea, and Mrs. Pinchwife.

Alithea
Sister, what ailes you, you are grown melancholy?

Margery
Alithea
Margery
Enter Mr. Pinchwife.

Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Mr Pinchwife
I tell her of the vanities of the Town like a Confessor.

Alithea
Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Very well.

Mr. Pinchwife
She has been this week in Town, and never desired, till this afternoon, to go abroad.

Alithea
Was she not at a Play yesterday?

Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Then if she ask you again, you are the cause of her asking, and not my example.

Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Great comfort.

Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Mrs Pinchwife
Let me alone, I am not well.

Mr Pinchwife
Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Mr Pinchwhife
Mrs Pinchwife
Of what sickness?

Mr Pinchwife
O, of that which is worse than the Plague. Jealousy.

Mrs Pinchwife
Receipt-book at home.

Mr Pinchwife
Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Is that all dear Bud?

Alithea
This proceeds from my example.

Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Come have a little patience, and thou shalt go into the Country on Friday.

Mrs Pinchwife
Alithea
Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Mrs Pinchwife
Why, O Lord! did the Gentleman come hither to see me indeed?

Mr Pinchwife
Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Let her put on her Mask.

Mr Pinchwife.

Alithea
How will you do then?

Mrs Pinchwife
Nay, shall we go? the Exchange will be shut, and I have a mind to see that.

Mr Pinchwife
Alithea
Exeunt.

 

The Scene changes to the new Exchange
Enter Horner, Harcourt, Dorilant.

Dorilant
Horner
Harcourt
Dorilant
Did I ever think, to see you keep company with Women in vain.

Horner
Harcourt
Dorilant
Horner
Dorilant
Horner
Harcourt
Horner
Harcourt
Dorilant
Harcourt
Dorilant
Horner
Dorilant
Harcourt
Enter Sparkish, looking about

Horner
Why, here comes one will help you to her.

Harcourt
He! he, I tell you, is my Rival, and will hinder my love.

Horner
Harcourt
But I cannot come near his Mistriss, but in his company.

Horner
Sparkish
Harcourt
A Pox, he did not hear all I hope. [Apart to Horner.

Sparkish
Harcourt
I make love to her?

Sparkish
Harcourt
Horner
Sparkish
Harcourt
Yes, But I thought you had gone to Plays, to laugh at the Poets wit, not at your own.

Sparkish
Horner
Sparkish
Phyllis.

Harcourt
Nay, Poetry in love is no more to be avoided, than jealousy.

Dorilant
Sparkish
Dorilant
Harcourt
Horner
Dorilant
Sparkish
Harcourt
But, who comes here, Sparkish?

Enter Mr. Pinchwife, and his Wife in Mans Cloaths, Alithea, Lucy her Maid.

Sparkish
Harcourt
She sees you.

Sparkish
Harcourt
Pray, first carry me, and reconcile me to her.

Sparkish
Harcourt
Sparkish
Pshaw, I know my interest, Sir, prethee hide me.

Horner
Mr Pinchwife
Come along. [To his Wife aside.

Mrs Pinchwife
Pray, have you any Ballads, give me six-penny worth?

Clasp
We have no Ballads.

Mrs Pinchwife
Covent-garden-Drollery, and a Play or two — Oh here’s Tarugos Wiles, and the Slighted Maiden, I’ll have them.

Mr Pinchwife
Horner
Who is that pretty Youth with him, Sparkish?

Sparkish
Horner
Exeunt Pinchwife, Mistriss Pinchwife. Alithea, Lucy, Horner, Dorilant following them.

Harcourt
Sparkish
Harcourt
Sparkish
Harcourt
Exit Sparkish, and Harcourt following him.
Mr Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Mr. Pinchwife
Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Then walk this way.

Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwife
Mrs Pinchwife
Mr Pinchwhife
Mrs Pinchwife
Mr. Pinchwife
Exeunt Mr. Pinchwife, Mrs. Pinchwife.
Sparkish
Come, dear Madam, for my sake you shall be reconciled to him.

Alithea
For your sake I hate him.

Harcourt
Sparkish
Ay indeed, Madam, too, too cruel to me, to hate my Friend for my sake.

Alithea
Sparkish
Alithea
Is it for your honour or mine, to suffer a Man to make love to me, who am to marry you to morrow?

Sparkish
Alithea
Harcourt
Sparkish
Harcourt
But what, my dear Friend can guard himself.

Sparkish
Harcourt
Sparkish
Alithea
Are you not afraid to loose me?

Harcourt
Sparkish
Right, honest Franck, I have that noble value for her, that I cannot be jealous of her.

Alithea
You mistake him, he means you care not for me, nor who has me.

Sparkish
Alithea
You astonish me, Sir, with your want of jealousie.

Sparkish
Alithea
Monstrous!

Lucy
Alithea
I tell you then plainly, he pursues me to marry me.

Sparkish
Harcourt
Sparkish
Poor fellow.

Harcourt
Sparkish
[Alithea walks carelessly, to and fro.

Harcourt
Sparkish
Harcourt
[Clapping his hand on his breast, points at Sparkish.

Sparkish
Harcourt
Alithea
Very well.

Sparkish
No, no, dear Friend, I knew it Madam, you see he will rather wrong himself than me, in giving himself such names.

Alithea
Do not you understand him yet?

Sparkish
Yes, how modestly he speaks of himself, poor Fellow.

Alithea
Sparkish
Nay, nay, Madam, pray stay, his love to you: Lord, Madam, has he not spoke yet plain enough?

Alithea
Sparkish
Harcourt
Sparkish
But how do you love her?

Harcourt
With all my Soul.

Alithea
I thank him, methinks he speaks plain enough now.

Sparkish
You are out still.  [to Alithea.
 But with what kind of love, Harcourt?

Harcourt
With the best, and truest love in the World.

Sparkish
Alithea
Sparkish
Harcourt
Sparkish
Look you there, Madam.

Harcourt
Claps his hand on his breast.

Alithea
Sparkish
Harcourt
Who loves you more than Women, Titles, or fortune Fools.
[Points at Sparkish.

Sparkish
Look you there, he means me stil, for he points at me.

Alithea
Ridiculous!

Harcourt
Who can only match your Faith, and constancy in love.

Sparkish
Ay.

Harcourt
Who knows, if it be possible, how to value so much beauty and virtue.

Sparkish
Ay.

Harcourt
Sparkish
Harcourt
Sparkish
Harcourt
Who in fine loves you better than his eyes, that first made him love you.

Sparkish
Alithea
Sparkish
Enter Master Pinchwife, Mistriss Pinchwife.

Alithea
You must pardon me, Sir, that I am not yet so obedient to you.

Mr. Pinchwife
Sparkish
Mr. Pinchwife
Very frank, Sir, to share your Wife with your friends.

Sparkish
Mr. Pinchwife
Sparkish
Mr. Pinchwife
He that shews his wife, or money will be in danger of having them borrowed sometimes.

Sparkish
[Exit Sparkish.

Harcourt
Canonical Gentleman, than Mr. Sparkish’s.

Mr. Pinchwife
This Gentle-woman is yet under my care, therefore you must yet forbear your freedom with her, Sir.

Coming between Alithea and Harcourt.

Harcourt
Mr. Pinchwife
Yes, Sir, she is my Sister.

Harcourt
Mr. Pinchwife
Come away Sister, we had been gone, if it had not been for you, and so avoided these lewd Rakehells, who seem to haunt us.

Enter Horner, Dorilant to them.

Horner
How now Pinchwife?

Mr. Pinchwife
Your Servant.

Horner
What, I see a little time in the Country makes a Man turn wild and unsociable, and only fit to converse with his Horses, Dogs, and his Herds.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Harcourt
Dorilant
Horner
Shall stay with us, for I suppose their business is the same with ours, pleasure.

Mr. Pinchwife
Alithea
Pray, let us go, Sir.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Had you not rather stay with us? [to Mrs. Pinchwife.
 Prethee Pinchwife, who is this pretty young Gentleman?

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Who is he? I never saw any thing so pretty in all my life.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
O your Brother!

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
I thought so, for he is very like her I saw you at the Play with, whom I told you, I was in love with.

Mrs. Pinchwife
Mr. Pinchwife
Come away, come away.   [To his Wife.

Horner
Why, what hast are you in? why wont you let me talk with him?

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Harcourt
And as I remember now, she is as like him here as can be.

Dorilant
She is indeed very pretty, if she be like him.

Horner
Mr. Pinchwife
So, so.

Harcourt
More beautiful than a Poets first Mistriss of Imagination.

Horner
Or another Mans last Mistriss of flesh and blood.

Mrs. Pinchwife
Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
I speak of your Sister, Sir.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Harcourt, Dorilant
How?

Horner
Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Mr. Pinchwife
Come, I must rise early to morrow, come.

Horner
Well then, if she be gone to bed, I wish her and you a good night. But pray, young Gentleman, present my humble service to her.

Mrs. Pinchwife
Thank you heartily, Sir.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Mrs. Pinchwife
But did you love her indeed, and indeed?

Mr. Pinchwife
So, so. [Aside. 
Away, I say.

Horner
Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Mrs. Pinchwife
What do you kiss me for, I am no Woman.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
Exeunt Horner, Harcourt, and Dorilant.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner, Harcourt, Dorilant return

Horner
What not gone yet? will you be sure to do as I desired you, sweet Sir?

Mrs. Pinchwife
Sweet Sir, but what will you give me then?

Horner
Any thing, come away into the next walk.

Exit Horner, haling away Mrs. Pinchwife.

Alithea
Lucy
Harcourt
Alithea, Lucy strugling with Harcourt, and Dorilant.

Lucy
Dorilant
Pinchwife returns.

Mr. Pinchwife
Lucy
Mr. Pinchwife
Alithea
In the next walk only, Brother.

Mr. Pinchwife
Exit Pinchwife, and returns presently, then goes out again.

Harcourt
Alithea
Harcourt
Then you will not look upon, nor pitty my sufferings?

Alithea
Harcourt
Alithea
Harcourt
Dorilant
Enter Pinchwife.

Mr. Pinchwife
Alithea
Lucy
Alithea
Are they not there?

Mr. Pinchwife
No, you know where they are, you infamous Wretch, Eternal shame of your Family, which you do not dishonour enough your self, you think, but you must help her to do it too, thou legion of Bawds.

Alithea
Good Brother.

Mr. Pinchwife
Alithea
Enter Mistriss Pinchwife in Mans cloaths, running with her hat under her arm, full of Oranges and dried fruit, Horner following.

Mrs. Pinchwife
O dear Bud, look you here what I have got, see.

Mr. Pinchwife
Mrs. Pinchwife
The fine Gentleman has given me better things yet.

Mr. Pinchwife
Horner
I have only given your little Brother an Orange, Sir.

Mr. Pinchwife
Mrs. Pinchwife
Stay, till I have put up my fine things, Bud.

Enter Sir Jaspar Fidget.

Sir Jaspar
Horner
Sir Jaspar
Horner
Dorilant
Sir Jaspar
Dorilant
What is he?

Sir Jaspar
Exit Sir Jaspar Fidget, and Horner.

Dorilant
Harcourt
Mr. Pinchwife
Come.

Mrs. Pinchwife
Presently Bud.

Dorilant
Come let us go too: Madam, your Servant. [To Alithea.
Harcourt
Alithea
Good night, Sir, for ever.

Mrs. Pinchwife
Mr. Pinchwife